Dad's Back

We are living in an age where extreme ideas abound. We are being pushed, pulled, and bullied by many groups in society. People are failing to thrive as a result. The good news is that we as caregivers already know how to succeed under these circumstances. Making abnormal circumstances normal is a mad skill that caregiving develops in all of us.

Think about it. Working with the physical and emotional care of a loved one while engaging a new world full of uncertainties. We managed to navigate healthcare and government systems, while juggling the personal needs of our families and our loved.

What’s a few folks yelling at us because we won’t drop everything to pay attention to their concerns of the moment? Pffttt! Caregivers are perfect for this new world.

Hallmark Behavior

What is the most common behavior exhibited by people in these crazy post-COVID days?

If you answered “angry”, I think you are on the right track. Anger is a symptom of the disorganization we are all experiencing. Lashing out at things we do not recognize or understand is typical. We want our “normal” back!

The challenge is that the world has significantly changed, as it always does, but the change came through rapidly and people are having difficulty adapting. Pressure is coming from several sides at once and the resulting anger is a perfectly understandable reaction.

My Vote

As a student of human nature, as well as looking through my caregiver lens on the world, I see confusion as a predominant behavior in people today.

Thoughts are far from organized and actions are uncoordinated (have you noticed how badly people are driving these days?) We face a dramatic change in life circumstances, and we are not managing our responses very well.

It does not help that there is no lack of opportunists stepping up to tell us how we should resolve our uncertainty – just sign up with our group. “We have all the correct answers. Honest”

The problem is that the solution does not fit the problem. Needs of the group are certainly being met but people still lack the individual assurances they seek to solve their confusion. Life still does not make the same sense as before the crisis.

Perhaps the answer does not come from outside groups.

Developing That Solution

People need agency with which to conduct life. That is, we all need effective tools with which to solve our problems. If an activity does not address our actual needs, it is of no use.

Complaining about the other side of an argument can surely seem like we are doing something. At the end of the day, however, yelling, however loudly, does nothing to solve a problem. It lacks the agency (think: power) by which the individual can address and correct their problem.

As educators can attest, students learn best by doing. New ideas and tools are fun to explore but in looking around, we appear to need more practical solutions to our uncertainties and confusion right now.

One size solution will not fit all. As we have all seen, not every family member is suited to caring for an ailing parent or loved one. There are always the ones who bail out at the first indication of trouble. They are not bad people – just that running away from the challenge is their best response.

We see them around us in society right now. Shouting from the sidelines and egging on the squabbles taking place in the media. They are certainly a busy lot but not very productive.

Then there is the other, quieter, group. Those of us willing to wade into uncertainty and see what kind of solutions we can create. We are willing to try, fail, learn, and go again. We are also not nearly so noisy because we are busy working the problems.

Defining a Path

With such opposite groups, I think the method of constructively responding to circumstances can be a shared solution. Bear with me a minute.

If we are all humans with a shared human experience, a solution developed on that experience would be a functional one. Right? Cultural influences will factor in, but our “humanness” is where we start creating answers to the problems of the day. Our shared humanity, not the names we call each other, is what we build upon.

What I propose is responding to our need for personal stability with activities that develop strength of character. Supporting one another but allowing individuals to learn in their own way. Yes, to even fail in their attempts. As we have found, supporting a sense of entitlement does not develop strength of character. Responding to challenges (as we are doing in society now) does.

Make eye contact and say “Hi” to strangers. Hold open doors and practice the courtesies we were taught when we were younger. Talk with people. The people I interact with are surprisingly happy to respond with courtesies in kind. Press releases about the horrors of human interactions to the contrary, I find that people are still people. We do still like one another’s company.

Practicing an Optimistic Persistence

With age, I carry lessons I have learned in life. I know what I know. Seeking a higher good in others and ourselves is important. I am often disappointed in this quest, but I still persist in the effort. It is who I am.

The current prevalence of sideshow antics in society provides us with the golden opportunity to walk away from the toxic situations. Nothing constructive is happening in these circumstances, so walking away sacrifices nothing. Walking away, however, is very empowering. Taking back control of our circumstances does wonders for one’s self-confidence and self-confidence is such a superpower.

Be the role model. Be the mentor.

Strength comes from within. Sometimes it just needs a little nurturing.

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou