Is it possible that some of the angst we see in the media these days are people who went with the favored political winds a few years ago and now are facing up to the idea that they picked the wrong horse? With all the emotional gusto of a preadolescent person decrying the trauma of a social gaff, are people dying of embarrassment?
Of note in recent years has been a general decline in civilities among people, including a concerning lack of character and integrity of leaders.
Empathy Abuse
A personality trait that I have come to regard as a two-edged blade is empathy. That ability to put oneself in the shoes of another to better understand them and their actions.
Empathy is a “soft skill” that requires a certain amount of personal vulnerability to access successfully. In our caregiving mode, this ability to relate to the human needs of another is often what brought us to this situation. We relate to them on a personal level, and we seek to respect and understand them during difficult times.
With bullying behaviors that have become so much more common in recent years, the bullies seemed to have been on the hunt for more people to push their demands of conformity. Political correctness on steroids.
Empathy can easily be mistaken for weakness because the empathic individual exhibits natural helpful tendencies. Empathic people are not noted for being confrontational and tend to try to make the other person happy by relating (adopting) the other’s perspective.
The bullies abuse this helpfulness characteristic, and the empathic individuals are stuck paying the emotional bill for that abuse.
Feeling Stuck
Sensitivity to others carries can carry with it a duty to serve them as well. Empathic individuals do not wish to betray others, even when bullied. Emotional abuse, whether in the context of a personal relationship (i.e., family, spouses) or a less intimate arrangement, can often be difficult to disentangle oneself from. The abusers know of this reluctance to discontinue a destructive relationship and play on it to maintain a status quo.
Often lacking a motivating event to do otherwise, the empathic individual tends to stay where they are. Finding a way out becomes a struggle.
In much the same way as when we find ourselves up against the wall in caregiving, we do what the situation calls for, not what we prefer to do. One will not die of embarrassment if you change your response to a situation but making such a change happen is difficult.
Resilience
Tough decisions make resilient people. We all have the capacity to stand up on our own, but as with most important things in life, we also calculate the cost. Once we are willing to pay what is needed, the courage to carry on just naturally happens.
Moral decisions to not abuse ourselves or others is taking hold. The feelings of guilt are legitimate for many and belong to them. We can, however, still hold the door open for them. Forgiveness and gratitude work wonders at allowing people to mend broken relationships. Trust is a more difficult challenge and will take considerably more work and time.
Still, we must start somewhere and now is always a good time to begin.
“Anyone who isn’t embarrassed of who they were last year probably isn’t learning enough.”
― Alain de Botton
Dad's Back 