There are a lot of working parts in any caregiving arrangement. Underlying the errand running, meal preparations, doctors visits, and the million other little things, there is trust. Trust that we love the person. Trust that we will be there tomorrow to do it all again.
Trust.
Since caregiving relationships are also replete with paradoxes, so too there is one with trust.
Where Did I Put That?
As the firstborn child in our family, I was the one who was always held responsible because “you’re the oldest and you should know better”. It is not surprising then that I took to the caregiving role so readily. I had apparently been preparing for the job my entire life. (Just joking.)
Growing up, trust was often conferred as it was earned. What happened far less frequently was any loss of trust. Doing things that diminished relationships within the family was not really a menu item for us kids growing up.
Then I encountered the Real World and learned that not everyone has one another’s best interests at heart. There really is some ugliness out there and to this day, I am grateful to my parents for protecting us kids from it for as long as they did. Being able to have had at least part of a childhood is precious.
Some gifts are recognized long after they have been received.
Cool & Indifferent World
Discovering that there is a tremendous amount of indifference in the world is a step towards seeing the reality behind the stories we tell ourselves. Advocacy is the operational idea behind being a caregiver. We stand up and argue for another. We protect a disadvantaged individual when they are no longer able to do so for themselves.
We are not heroes to save the day, but fellow human beings abiding by a set of morals.
It is not trust of others that motivates us to take actions, but rather the lack of trust resulting from actions. Talk is cheap, especially in an election year. Saying you or your group are something, does not make it so. Actions are what matter.
I was speaking with a patient the other day when I realized that it is not that I distrust certain people because of actions I have taken. People have destroyed the trust I placed in them at the start. It is their actions that bring me to a state of distrust.
When I flip this concept to myself and others who do not trust me, it is always something I did. Perhaps we do deserve better in life. Maybe we need to look inside rather than outside ourselves for these reasons.
Ultimately, it is the trust I possess in myself that makes the difference. People always have the freedom to choose their own path. If that includes sacrificing others for one’s own wants, that is one option.
There are many other choices, each with their own consequences. Navigating trust in our dealings with one another is just a part of the deal.
“Trustful people are the pure at heart, as they are moved by the zeal of their own trustworthiness.”
― Criss Jami
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