As election years go, this one has been a doozy for fanciful arguments.
The attraction that politics exerts on people has always been a bit of a mystery to me. This year, however, the practical and pragmatic caregiver in me has been poked and irritated.
Perhaps it was the defiance of logic by leaders that bugged me, but it got under my skin enough for me to reflect on my assumptions about how to approach the world.
As with any challenge, this season of irrationality has sharpened my thinking.
Pretending For Others
If I experienced any losses due to caregiving, my willingness to pretend something exists when it does not would probably be one of them. Things are or they are not. Indulging fantasy is on an as needed basis.
Accepting the fanciful stories of my Dad’s conjuring was important – to him.
Probably one to the harshest and most disconcerting steps in helping a loved one experiencing dementia, is their sharing of patently unbelievable stories. Our first inclination is to correct their stories, but as their anxiety at insisting we believe rises, we go along with the story. We do not believe the story but we go along with it.
That is when dealing with a pathologically ill person.
Which prompts the question whether political discourse has underlying mental health concerns these days? As with so many things in this post-pandemic world, I have to wonder if what I am seeing is new or am I finally seeing things that have been here all along?
My disagreement with recent political posturing has been with the practice of imagining a particular future and taking actions in the present as though the fantasy were real. Catastrophe, the world is in peril, or variations on the theme have been trotted out to see if any would be believed for more than a few minutes.
The resilient and sometimes plodding caregiver in me questions the necessity for such drama.
A World Vision
My promotion from son to parent years ago taught me that what you think and what is, are often completely different experiences. The real world does not care what you imagine.
Much like dementia itself, confronting reality with your version of what you believe things should be is just an intellectual exercise. It has no effect on circumstances and as likely contributes nothing to the problems at hand.
Being grounded is what makes for success.
Thinking Carefully
Success in caregiving, and by extension in life, comes from solving problems that exist.
When facing a concern, asking yourself “Is it real?” is a great place to start. (Be skeptical!)
Can I do anything about it?
If the answer is no to either question, move on. Your job here is done.
The world of hypothetical disasters, whether conjured by ourselves or others, is just that. Hypothetical.
The best response is to call the bluff.
As I did in retail years ago and a short change artist started working me, slam the cash drawer shut and tell them, “Let me know when you have decided.”
Fantasy abandoned by reason produces impossible monsters
— Francisco Goya
Dad's Back 