My friend makes me laugh.
She has her hands full in caring for her mother with Alzheimer’s. Neither of them is having an especially easy time of it (who does?) but they cope. She still finds the time to make me laugh.
Her Mom has moments of difficulty with daily activities. Like choosing winter boots to wear on a hot summer day, or some really unusual food combinations for meals, things can get pretty interesting.
My friend takes these moments and chronicles them in social media, connecting to that vast virtual support group on the web. From tagging some of those uniquely Mom events with #mommoment, to posting Mom’s latest “moon watch” reports (“it just looks funny tonight”), these slice of life notes always connect with me. Finding the humor in some very poignant moments is an inspired and delicate balancing act that I wish I could pull off.
I’m your basic dark comedy sort of caregiver. Mostly just taking care of business, I still take things too seriously at times. While I can appreciate the humor in a situation, I’m darned if I can write the joke. I really admire those who can.
A Different Kind of Caregiving
The caregiver role has presented itself to me in different guises. As that dutiful son managing a parent’s dementia, as well as a supporter of a spouse undergoing cancer treatment. Different pathologies but oddly still the same skills.
Waiting in reception of an oncology office while my wife underwent chemotherapy, all of us caregivers would hang out amongst the uncomfortable chairs and outdated magazines. Funny thing was, we were having a great time.
Cancer is a very chilling diagnosis and you are faced with a couple of options. You can give into the fear or you can grow.
For those of us in the waiting room, most all of us chose to grow. We figuratively locked arms and decided to laugh at the very real terror that everyone was feeling. Tears were reserved for private moments when the cancer patient in the house was resting comfortably.
Always show the strong face.
Mom-time
So when my friend posts updates about Mom, she is showing her strong face. I understand the grief and fear flowing just beneath the surface of her words. The daughter parenting her parent. The daughter incrementally losing a loved one, one day at a time. One piece at a time. It is all there.
From where I sit today, I can say that having a record of funny stories to reflect upon is truly preferred to the reality. Laughter and fondness heal in the moment and in the future.
Humor is definitely one of our better angels. Do your best to construct a funny narrative.
A sense of humor is just common sense dancing.
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Dad's Back 