Growing Up With Disappointment

When I was a child, the harshest admonition my father could ever invoke was that he was disappointed in me. No amount of threats, groundings, or other punishments could carry the weight of his disappointment.

He knew it too.

Like so many other things I carried into my adult life, disappointment has played a role. This time though, it was I who was disappointed in myself and I needed to get a handle on that.

Yet Another Surprise

I think we all inherit much more from our parents that we like to think we did.

In this case, the disappointment angle that worked so well for Dad in managing his strong-willed son, was also adopted by the son. The difference was that I used the disappointment to evaluate my own actions.

For any caregiver, we are often our own harshest critics and we really needn’t be. We continue to do the best with what we’ve got. At the end of the day, that is the best anyone can expect of themselves or anyone else.

Time To Grow Up

Managing a caregiving situation means stepping back from emotions. Emotions are notoriously present in our lives but the skills we develop in unplugging from that content, if only for a while, makes us good managers and custodians of our loved ones.

Part of maturing as an individual involves examining our assumptions, beliefs, and looking at ourselves with an objective and critical eye.

More than once have I found myself asking myself why I was thinking or doing something. Funny how so many answers trace back to childhood. I was behaving that way because I remember being taught that way.

This is not always the strongest argument to continue a behavior. We do have the option to change how we think and behave.

We can choose to grow up.

Disappointment Redo

I occasionally still have to dial back that little critical voice inside that wants to be disappointed in my performance. Some habits fade slowly.

The key is that I judge myself less and just accept.

I spent much of my life contending with father’s disappointment. A Sisyphean feat, if there ever was one. No one wins and nothing is accomplished, so why not just let go?

The same applies to my opinion of Dad. No amount of disappointment will change things as they turned out, so why stress? Learn what I can, be kind to myself and others, carry on with living.

It’s the only way I want to go.