Maybe I am just more sensitive to people’s frustrations with life lately, but I see many struggling with trying to get the answer they want out of a question that has already provided an answer. They persist in pursuing the same problem, using the same methods, and yielding the same answer over and over again. The anger of frustration grows as their efforts redouble.
Can they not see that the answer they want is not going to be available?
Funny Lessons
Life’s teaching through frustration starts early. The arrogance of thought in which each of us thinks that just because we want something, that desire must be satisfied. Then come the sobering facts. That towel draped across your back as a cape, does not indeed provide you with the ability to fly, and little sisters will not do as you tell them, no matter how angry you get at them.
The timing of these lessons learned, however, vary by the individual. Some of us learn from these early lessons. Some manage to grow to adulthood not having been held accountable for the things we want and cannot have.
I have to think that learning later in life must be a tougher series of events.
Failure Teaches Well
As I have matured, my attitude towards failure evolved. What I thought was the end of the world because things and people outside of myself refused to cooperate, I came to realize it was the universe’s way of teaching.
I need to understand the world in which I live. While some elemental part of my personality desperately thinks everything should center on me, I need more to experience the truth of my situation.
Experiencing abject failure in my attempts to control the world around me are terrific teachable moments. A first step in learning anything is demonstrating a willingness to be taught.
Reality sometimes bites.
Caregiving and Being a Student of Life
Pragmatism and the caregiving experience go hand in glove.
We start with immersion in an alien life experience that we can call “change”. We are in this position willingly or otherwise, but we have decided that we are going to give it a try.
Using the tools we have, we swallow our fear of change and respond to situations as they present themselves. At some point, however, the methods we use fail to work.
We then have a choice.
Keep doing things the way we have been or entertain new ways of solving problems.
Cut to the Chase
These experiences build within us an attitude of humility (No, I am not in charge of everything) and empowerment (Yes, I can handle that uncertainty). In an earlier time, this was called “character building”.
Sometimes the answer to our question is just “no”. Not “no, because you are a failed person” but just “no”.
As a caregiver, I watch the current public play of frustration and anger so many people are experiencing with life circumstances. I understand the emotions and remember what it was like to be in that situation. I also know that there is no replacement for the tough lessons these individuals are being taught right now.
Personal growth comes from change. Welcome to the experience.
“Why do you go away? So that you can come back. So that you can see the place you came from with new eyes and extra colors. And the people there see you differently, too. Coming back to where you started is not the same as never leaving.”
― Terry Pratchett
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