Like many children of a certain era, I was one of the designated channel changers for our family television set. (An early version of the TV remote control.) Jump forward a few years, and I had become the family IT person for programming VCR’s. Then home computing became a reality and I followed that flow of technological experience. I learned the new tech and applied it as directed by my parents. Those became our roles to play.
As with so many things in life, it has not been the new things starting that I noticed as significant, but more the older things that stopped.
Here, You Do It
In the role of a child to a parent, we do not always critically evaluate actions, we just take them at face value. Dad says “You need to program my phone for me” and I just pick it up and get to work setting up the software. I may have included a few choice wise-ass remarks along the way but I was the dutiful child and followed orders.
It was a healthy relationship.
Years later I realized that I had been watching him quit technology in those moments. Right in front of everyone.
Mom recently reminded me of this as she contends with a web-based world that she does not understand and has no intention of learning. Ever.
Handing off technical interactions to the kids worked for my parents’ generation for many years. Which is a point that I think the business world did not pick up on along the way.
My parents’ generation did not struggle with new technology (email, Internet, and the like). They flat out refused to use it and delegated tech responsibilities to the kids.
The bill for that revolution is now coming due.
Long Distance Runaround
I recently helped Mom as she bought a home out-of-state. Lacking any discernible digital footprint (I had created email addresses for her that she promptly ignored), we used one of my email addresses and I acted as go-between relaying documents via snail mail to her.
A cumbersome but eventually effective process. She was happy with it. Surprisingly, the businesses were the ones struggling. Call it a post pandemic grumpiness, sales and title folks all fussed about “she just needs to go to our website”.
As with the purchase of any home, you do not often get to work with the same person twice, so I got to schoolhouse many individuals on how Mom was going to do business.
The businesses did not take the news very well.
Fading apparently are the days of conducting business face-to-face.
From Where I Sit
Perhaps I am too easy going. If something needs doing, and I am able, I tend to just do it. A personality characteristic of my birth order (first born) or maybe just my generation raised on courtesy and hard work – whether you liked it or not.
My parents, for whatever their motivation, responded to the changes that technology wrought on society with a quiet but firm “No way in hell.” I am not sure why they view things that way. Maybe they thought tech was a fad that would soon pass. My hope was that they would eventually want to take advantage of training programs for seniors but by the time they realized tech was here to stay, the learning curve just seemed too steep.
Maybe it is because they had us kids to take care of tech for them. We enabled their staying comfortable with what they already knew. Whatever the reason, they are now out in the cold.
Since the control of much of the business world has started passing to the Millennial generation, the disconnect from seniors has been finalized. There is no accommodation available. Get with the tech or go home.
It seems like my generation was a bit better groomed to the role of caregiver. Doing for others was part of our growing up. Our younger generation does not seem to follow that line of thinking. They had a different life experience growing up.
Caring for others is an essential lesson that, though some do not seem to have been exposed to the concept, they will just get the opportunity to learn it later in life. It is going to be a tough lesson for some.
“Science and technology multiply around us. To an increasing extent they dictate the languages in which we speak and think. Either we use those languages, or we remain mute.”
― J.G. Ballard
Dad's Back 