The irony of caregivers’ personal popularity can get a little thick at times. At a casual glance, one could think that helping others in need would be a noble and well-respected avocation. Society values the care of the unfortunate, right?
Sometimes, however, this messenger of accountability and assistance is figuratively shot at sunrise.
Carrying the Message
If anyone thinks it could be a cool job to care for another unable to care for themselves, let us dispose of that thought right now.
As I have mentioned in these posts, the “job” of caregiver is challenging. A footnote to that observation is that besides having to make difficult decisions, delivering on those decisions makes us unpopular with loads of folks.
From guiding the loved one away from assorted hazards (“Let me cook that for you”), to advocating for the loved one with vendors, the healthcare system, etc., we learn to say “no” any number of ways to a whole lot of people.
When it comes to becoming decidedly unpopular, family is the one group that has its own level of hell. People that you grew up with will try to leverage that common past to get what they want concerning the loved one under care. (“Of course, Dad can still drive! All those accidents were obviously the fault of those other drivers.”)
Especially with family, there is no winning solution to doing what’s best vs. what others want you to do.
Get used to it.
The Truer Nature of Things
While all of these points of friction and learning experiences sound unique, the reality is that they are all a reflection of the human nature we all share. Managing stress between people, along with the more practical matters of caregiving, is not special. Personally, I think we categorize these challenges as unique to better organize our thoughts and emotions in the matter.
It is all okay.
Pop culture and social media tend to deny facts we wish to avoid. From aging to role changes with the loved one, caregiving is about the things that go bump in the night. Scared and courageous at the same time, caregivers venture into these depths of unpleasantness to answer a higher calling.
Not everyone is up to those levels of honesty.
Truth
Social media has derailed our awareness and interactions over the years. Expectations of popularity will likely be dashed when one accepts the responsibilities of caring for another.
Making the hard decisions does not often come with creating bunches of friends. In fact, it is usually the opposite.
It is a good kind of loneliness, though. Not morbid and all-consuming but a warm place of contentment with what you have and what you have accomplished. No regrets because you did the best you could with what you had at hand.
Not everyone can say that.
As for the popularity contest called modern life, all those fluffy things mean nothing. We do not hate status seeking, we just do not care. Give me something of substantial importance in life any day.
Like the smile of a loved one.
“I figured it is always better to be unpopular by your own choice.”
― Tom Upton
Dad's Back 