Life has been quite a ride lately. From a pandemic to abuses of public trust, we have all been through a lot.
Little bits of “normal” have been thankfully creeping back in.
Taking a quick inventory of how people are interacting in this new version of “normal” has been enlightening, however. So many things have changed.
Looking Carefully
The caregiving experience changes one’s perspective on how we live, in much the same way that recent events have changed the perspectives for those around us. Trauma builds character but it is a tough curriculum to study under.
COVID-19 and all of its associated insanity affects all of us. I am observing that for many, this has been the first occasion to get the sense that we are not as in charge of our worlds as we once thought.
It is a very sobering concept.
Some people are processing the changes in their lives in much the same way as those of us who accepted the challenge of caregiver. They are simply adapting to those changes. It is a growth process that takes time. The courage to accept the changes is developing as we go.
Welcome to the Political Pity Party?
Political rhetoric has certainly been on full volume over the last few years. With the amplification provided by social media, and a receiving audience unwilling to suspend disbelief, our conversations have gone in some interesting directions.
Underlying many of these shouting matches has been an unspoken assumption that we are all powerless to do anything about our circumstances. As if to say that life is rotten, so we might as well be rotten to one another as well.
Having been overwhelmed by circumstances before, I can attest that perception is 99% of our problem… and that our perception is usually wrong.
What once started out as a crisis in managing Dad’s affairs, later became a chore.
“Another problem with a vendor?”
“No biggie. Let me make a quick phone call and set them straight.”
Scary at first, the job became a reaffirming series of successes that I came to appreciate for the personal growth they provided. Caregiving challenged me and I grew because of it. It is in this personal growth that allows us to be better caregivers to our loved ones when they need it most.
That is why I find some recent events to be so perplexing. I don’t understand how feeling poorly about ourselves can result from successfully responding to the personal and national challenges of recent years.
Like most of us, insecurity and self-pity were part of my adolescent experience. I grew out of it and learned to move beyond my insecurities as I moved into adulthood.
As I grew, I never had the need to seek out occasions for feeling inadequate about myself. A developing self-esteem took care of my needs. Name calling was just something we did when we were younger.
Self-Esteem and Caregivers
Many of us caregivers grow personally from our caregiving experiences. We stand up to what seems to be insurmountable tasks and come out the other end stronger for the experience.
I understand that some caregivers may be weakened by the experience. I empathize with those who have been overwhelmed by the burden but most I know end up with our feet squarely on the ground. We are a collection of individuals who specialize in making tough decisions and will be the last people to feel sorry for ourselves.
I think it has been the self-appointed important people of recent history that have irritated me the most. To bully others and demand respect for doing so seems to be a poorly devised response to their perception of their own lives. Their words deny themselves the respect they seek.
No one is ever irreparable.
Wherever this odd interpretation of society has come from is up to the social and psychological scientists to sort out over the next few decades. In the meantime, I like my feeling of being in command of my own life – mistakes and all.
I don’t have many of the answers, but I do know that the important ones come from within. Having learned from the caregiving experience that our strength also comes from within, I like to think of us as weathering the storm well.
Celebrate strength, always.
“All for that welcome home dance,
The most favorite of all–
when everyone finds their way back together
to dance, eat and celebrate.
And tell story after story
of how they fought and played
in the story wheel
and how no one
was ever really lost at all.”― Joy Harjo, An American Sunrise
Dad's Back 