“I haven’t felt normal for over two years now. I’m not sure if I still know how…” her voice trailed off.
Even though striking up a conversation with a stranger in line at the grocery store is not a particularly unique occurrence, this vulnerability from a stranger was new.
The events of the past few years have changed us in some fundamental ways that we are just beginning to appreciate. After so many messages of division and differences, we may finally be arriving at a place of fatigue and acceptance.
What Ambiguity?
The COVID-19 pandemic, and all of the emotional baggage that people have attached to events, has been a series of lessons for all of us. As we look around now, we see that some have weathered the storm and are busy reconstituting their lives. Others have fared less well and are having difficulties reconnecting with themselves and their world around them.
I have been witnessing meltdowns into anger and anxiety more frequently in public and social media settings lately. People are frazzled and are looking for those anchoring events that have made us feel a part of the world instead of feeling like a visitor to a foreign land.
While we don’t always find it, we want a familiar, predictable, and comfortable life experience.
We want boring again.
Uncertainty has left a bad taste in our mouths, and we want all of the doubts to go away. We want to feel connected to our worlds again and we need look no farther than the bathroom mirror.
Reconnections-R-Us
One of the times I felt the most disconnected was in med school and Chiropractic College. Two thousand miles from family and friends on the west coast, in a culturally foreign environment (the Midwest). The stakes were high, and I was feeling overwhelmed. So many challenging events double-dog dared me to come back the next day for more. I became acquainted with despair for the first time in life and I considered the possibility I might not succeed (survive) the process.
Message to Self: Survive.
It certainly wasn’t pretty. I came out of school with addiction issues (which to this day I view as something that was going to happen anyway), however I found that there was a road back. No matter which other directions I may have chosen, I learned that there was always a road back.
Though we cannot always see past the uncertainties of the moment, the familiar is still waiting there for you. The things that make us feel normal don’t leave. What changes is us.
The power to seek out our normal life lies entirely within each of us. Comfort comes from within, not activities or appliances outside of ourselves.
The face in the bathroom mirror may look familiar but then again, maybe not. We are seeing with new eyes and we gain the wondrous opportunity to rediscover our worlds with a fresh perspective.
And the simple things that once connected us to the world? They still work!
We are not disconnected after all.
The Uncertainty of it All
We are not special because we have lived through tough times. Tough times are part of being human. The choices we make when responding to challenges, however, are what distinguishes us. The same events can be interpreted a number of different ways. Those who identify as victimized by circumstances choose one path, while individuals who see themselves as changed and stronger because of circumstances reflect a different choice. Both responded to uncertainty and chose their own direction.
Which one is right?
Probably neither – and both. (Gotta love ambiguity!) Despite the best of our intentions, we don’t get to select the good way or the bad way. We just get to make a choice.
We always have choices.
They say, “Look before you leap.” So look. But do not look for too long. Do not look into the void of uncertainty trying to predict each and every possible outcome, to evaluate every possible mistake, to prevent each possible failure. Look for the opportunity to leap, and leap faster than your fear can grab you. Leap before you talk yourself out of it, before you convince yourself to set up a temporary camp that turns into a permanent delay on your journey into your own heart.
― Vironika Tugaleva
Dad's Back 