Even when we are not channeling some form of perfectionism, we don’t like being wrong. As in early days as students receiving graded papers from the teacher, we always hope that the grade is going to be a good one, but we know that it can be a poor grade also. We know what we did on the paper but we’re never fully sure of the evaluation of our work.
When we step up to care for others, an underlying anxiety is that we know that we don’t know (a lot) and we still don’t want to make mistakes anyway. Society, and even Nature, generally teaches us that getting things right is rewarded and getting it wrong does not.
Suffering Fools – or Not
There is something honestly human in making a goof. The missing glue in a piece of furniture, the forgotten birthday, the bad haircut choice – we all screw up sometime. And while we suffer some embarrassment for a short while, the damage is generally limited and easily forgotten.
You’re likely in over your head and that is the right place to be as a caregiver.
Stupidity is on a different level however and one I am far less tolerant. I define stupidity as an intention that carries the probability of poor outcomes. Your basic “Hey everyone, watch this!”
Care-giving can provide you with a saltier approach to resolving goofs. I find myself tempering my responses in the event of an honest mistake. Stuff happens and I am far from innocent when it comes to making oversights and errors. Some things I am just not as proficient at as other things. So honest mistakes get handled gently.
When the mistake is due to disregard of information present at the start, there is no mercy. I will likely not yell but the owner of the mistake will be reminded of their dubious possession.
Flipping It
I can’t say that I fully understand the trend lately to be unconditionally forgiven of the stupid mistake. Explaining that one did not understand (often with a twinkle in the eye) and expecting a full pardon misses the point of making a mistake. Consequence, no matter how small, is generally part of the teaching.
I do, however, remember expecting forgiveness like that, but I was 5 years old at the time.
Mistakes teach us.
Mistakes show us a way to solving problems. Our job is to be open to what can be learned, while working with what we already know.
Finding that glimmer of learning amid the embarrassing error really does work. Part of the process is cutting yourself some slack. You’re likely in over your head and that is the right place to be as a caregiver. Understanding that by making mistakes you are going to learn how to manage your situation is the second part. A lot can be learned from others who have gone through the care-giving experience but not all the mistakes have been made. You get to contribute your fair share of goofs along the way also.
Welcome to the group!
But what can you do about mistakes except think, ‘Won’t do that again’, and move forward?
― Sophie Kinsella
Dad's Back 