The world of a caregiver is dramatically divided between taking care of the business-at-hand on the outside and the turmoil of emotion on the inside. Life lessons come hard and I find that sharing is helpful, both for me and those who are also on the journey. Part therapy and part instructional, I hope some of my experiences are of value to the reader.
When Anger and Language Come with Dementia
One of the most jarring moments in dementia caregiving is not just the anger. It is the language. A parent who never swore suddenly uses profanity. A spouse who was always gentle blurts out crude or shocking words. The once-reserved loved one yells something that feels completely out of character. If this has happened to…
So Many Ways We Say Goodbye
When people think about caregiving, they often imagine the big, heavy moments: medical appointments, medications, emergencies, end-of-life decisions. What doesn’t get talked about as much are the smaller, quieter skills we develop along the way—the ones that don’t come with instructions but shape us just as deeply. One of those skills is learning how to…
The Impermanence of Things
I have posted about loss before, as it concerns family and caregiving. Loss of personhood of a loved one due to the ravages of dementia. Loss of who we, the caregivers, were before the demands of the job changed us. There is also the ultimate loss to death that we know approaches but work so…
What If I Don’t Want a Role Reversal?
Role reversals, when younger family member(s) assume parental duties over a parent, are just part of the caregiving landscape. Most of us do not like them. We probably did not want them in the first place. Yet here we all are. Meltdown on Aisle 3 Who knew that wanting to cry in frustration was going…
The Low-Hanging Fruit of the Emotional Response
Mom is mad at me again. I did not give her the response she wanted from me and she got angry. Angry enough to hang up on me, only to call again the next day. Dementia strips away a lot of the filters we all use to be civil in society. It has been said…
Did We Lose Someone?
In one of Life’s abundant ironies, my father never knew the person I became because of him. Growing up, Dad tried to direct my development along paths he thought best, but he found a particularly frustrating subject in me. So many learning lessons did not take. At least, at first. One of those lessons was…
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Dad's Back 